depression

should one be depressed when you are on vacation?

for me, the depression isn't so much that there is nothing to do, but its just that.. well.. i see the upcoming need for adjustments and i hate it.

its tough to live away from home. people who have never lived apart from their families don't know the support that you can get from your family, even if they don't say much. just the familiarity, the concern (the nagging!) and the contact would add so much to your sense of support.

I've been living away from my family since 2001, and it has never been easy going away each time.

then, in my land of residence, i live alone. its not that i choose to live alone, but i work. and my friends study. and most of the times, we don't have time to get mixed up with each other's lives.

I don't mind so much the "being alone" if i have plenty to occupy myself with. but returning from a vacation, apart from replenishing my fridge, it is next to impossible to find enough things to distract me from that awful sense of loneliness that gnaws hungrily from inside me.

each return to singapore is done reluctantly - for i'm usually well adjusted prior to the return. then my world is shaken up and changed in the first week. after which, my world gets turned upside down again - when i have to struggle to overcome that awful, damned sense of loneliness.

and the irony is that my colleagues were envying that i could go on vacation..